Christmas Quiz

Here (from memory, so they may not be quite accurate) are some quotations and their attributions, which are all wrong. (Well, one or two may be right.) See if you can find the correct matches. I won’t give the solutions later, as those who get it right will know they have done so, and win (if they are not already in it) membership of the Association of Smart-Arses and Know-Alls, of which I am the founder.

Madam, you’re ugly: I shall be sober in the morning.	King James.
Every Prime Minister needs a willy.	Tony Blair.
It is more than a duty to speak one’s mind: it is a pleasure.	Winston Churchill.
If I’d known, I’d have been a locksmith.	Margaret Thatcher.
When I hear the word ‘Culture’, I reach for my Browning.	Oscar Wilde.
Brahms is the Wagner of Music.	Samuel Goldwyn.
A verbal contract isn’t worth the paper it’s written on.	Neville Cardus.
No pudding, and no fun.	Hermann Göring.
John Donne’s poetry is like the Peace of God: it passeth all understanding.	Queen Victoria.
I did not have sex with that woman.	Albert Einstein.
If you don’t play good football, you won’t win.	Bill Clinton.